We recently sat down with our character Invisiblor, hot of the success of a recent battle against a police officer attempting to ticket Invisiblor for vagrancy. Some of you may know Invisiblor as that giant guy sleeping in the woods. Others may know him as the man who was arrested for running naked through Stop & Shop last month. But most people know him as that friendly face peering through your window while you watch Jeopardy. (He's watching with you.) Here's what he has to say about himself.
City Cyclops: Thanks for taking the time out of your schedule to meet with us.
Invisiblor: Thanks for asking to interview me.
CC: There doesn't seem to be very much public information about you. Why don't you fill us in on who you are and where you came from. Let's start with your origin.
INV: Okay, sure. I got my powers one day on the golf course where I worked. A storm came in real fast, and I was caught with nowhere to go. I ran for shelter under a tree, but then Jesus hit me with lightning. I woke up in the hospital and didn't remember what happened. When they told me I'd been hit by lightning, I was so excited. I'd wanted super powers my whole life, and being struck by lightning seemed like a pretty good way to get some. I had a friend who was on a trolley that was hit by lightning, and everybody on it got powers!
CC: So this was the moment you'd been waiting for.
INV: It was. I'd tried to give myself powers before. I rigged my microwave to run with the door open and would just sit in front of it for hours. It made me dizzy and gave me blisters. I tried drinking lots of chemicals. I even tried to turn myself into a cyborg, but that was hard and painful. Nothing worked. I'd almost given up. So when I was finally discharged from the hospital I tested for powers in every way that I could. I tried flying, shooting beams out of anywhere and trying to control the world with my mind. My family thought I was crazy.
CC: You have a family?
INV: Not like a wife and kids. I wish. No, I just mean my parents and sisters. I have three sisters somewhere. At the time I was living with one of them, and that's when I realized I had some psychic powers. I could actually hear what she was thinking about me. She thought I was crazy and she was plotting against me. She hired the neighbors to kill me. I had to quit my job because of them, and then when I couldn't pay for anything, Margaret kicked me out. She really blew up at me. Things went downhill and she turned my whole family against me. I've forgiven them, but it still hurts. They have a life insurance policy against me. It's a lot of money, so I can't really blame them. But also I don't want to die, so I went into hiding. That's why I live in the woods now.
CC: So it was your choice to become homeless.
INV: Oh, I'm not homeless. I don't have a house, if that's what you mean. But I have a place I can call my own. And I'm safer now, because my family can't find me. They may even have forgotten about me. But wait, I haven't finished telling you how I got my powers!
CC: Right. So how did you discover your powers?
INV: It took a while, because I couldn't see it happening, but I eventually discovered I could turn invisible. I'd been living in Center Springs Park for a while. I'd be walking around, and people seemed to stare right through me. Even when I waved at them or asked if they wanted a hug. At first I figured they were just really busy and didn't have time, but it happened so often. All the time. I knew they could hear me, because they'd always stiffen up a little and act all weird. Weird like you might act if a disembodied voice were talking to you. That's when I knew I could turn invisible. Children can see me though. My powers don't seem to work on them.
CC: Have you considered the possibility that people may just be ignoring you?
INV: I thought maybe, but no. No, no. I mean, I spend all day on the street and nobody can see me. If I go into a restaurant, nobody comes over to wait on me. Cars don't even stop for me half the time.
CC: And so how do you use your powers?
INV: You mean like to see naked women?
CC: No, I mean do you use them for good or evil? Are you a hero or a villain? Because I've heard varying accounts.
INV: Oh, that. People call me a villain because I steal stuff. But I only steal stuff nobody really needs. And I do hang out with some villains, but you can't judge somebody by their friends. I'm not evil. In fact...
At this moment Invisiblor screamed, jumped up, ran several feet and crashed through the window of the McDonald's in which he'd agreed to meet us. As he darted across the street he was almost hit by two cars before he disappeared behind a tire store.